Halts for no one.
And as such, the time draws nearer. Less than three weeks now. I feel like things are slowly starting to fall into place. I feel really good about what I'm doing and have an inner peace about the whole thing. Whether this is actually a good sign or just too many pheramones floating around in my blood stream is really hard to say. But it's certainly better than worrying myself sick, like I was doing.
I started looking for jobs on Craigslist. I'm not saying LA is the land of opportunity and the streets are paved with gold, but I must say I'm very excited by what I've seen. Lots of Server jobs, let alone the whole acting/film crew aspect which I would be interested in getting into.
I just think things are gonna be ok. Faith manages. As they say.
I've been soaking up all the Wes Anderson I can get my hands on. Beau bought me Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, and Life Aquatic for my birthday. I've watched them all and plan on repeating the viewing. I just can't get enough. West Anderson you are my idol.
If I can accomplish half as much as him I'll be happy beyond my wildest dreams. Hats off.
Everybody get on board the Hope Train, it's getting ready to leave the station.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I'm taking the path of least resistance.
When it rains it pours.
Or snows. As was the case today. Can't wait for some sunny skies and warm temperatures. I thrive in such conditions.
"And sold out for the shade of the palm tree scene."
Beau invited me to go to Landmark Forum tonight. It was definitely interesting. I can't really do the program justice, so I won't attempt to try, but in a nutshell ("Help, help, I'm in a giant nutshell. What kind of shell could have a nut this big?") It's basically a self help program that teaches you to break the mold/cycle of interactions with people, and open up new possibilities for yourself, by thinking outside of the box, and realizing your dreams. Basically.
Beau went and invited me on the last night, which is how they recruit new members. The class itself is $400, which seems entirely ridiculous to me, especially considering there were easily 100 people there, if not more, even in these tight economic times. They say it normally costs $500 but that they've cut the cost right now, but apparently $400 is normally the cost, and they just always say that.
Without trying to sound like a total douche who thinks he's better than everyone else, I felt I was slightly ahead of the game as someone who's in the process of trying to actually realize their dreams, compared to someone mired in self doubt, unable to get out of the gate, whether I'm completely scared shitless or not.
But, since I got to sit in on the whole pitch/song and dance routine, I did get one thing out of it, and I didn't have to pay a dime. I shouldn't be giving myself an ulcer over finding a job/finding a place/making a life for myself in LA. I'm going to get down there, I'm going to try to make it happen, I'm either going to make it, or I won't. I'm gonna try my damndest. The rest is out of my control. Stressing about it won't do myself any good. I will tend to what I can tend to and the rest will take care of itself.
It's funny because The Shaft is entirely about living in the moment and not worrying about things beyond your control, but yet I still find myself falling into the trap more often than not. That's probably why I wrote it. As an eternal reminder to myself. I should just post the script as my wallpaper in my new room. Pretencious? Quite possibly. But if I'm doing myself good who can argue? Other than everyone.
Anyway, I do think that there are alot of people who might greatly benefit from the full Landmark Education song and dance routine. I'm certainly not about to say that I couldn't at all benefit from it, but I feel like I'm a little further along the path than alot of people, and I certainly don't have $400 to shell out to anyone, let alone a self help guru.
But everyone was quite nice, and Beau seems to have benefit alot from it, so more power to them and theirs. As for me, it's time to turn the page on the day and walk away. My sights are set. My goals are in sight. It's up to me and a little juice from The Man Upstairs to make them happen, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure that is the case. Time to kick it into high gear. Wagons, Ho!
Or snows. As was the case today. Can't wait for some sunny skies and warm temperatures. I thrive in such conditions.
"And sold out for the shade of the palm tree scene."
Beau invited me to go to Landmark Forum tonight. It was definitely interesting. I can't really do the program justice, so I won't attempt to try, but in a nutshell ("Help, help, I'm in a giant nutshell. What kind of shell could have a nut this big?") It's basically a self help program that teaches you to break the mold/cycle of interactions with people, and open up new possibilities for yourself, by thinking outside of the box, and realizing your dreams. Basically.
Beau went and invited me on the last night, which is how they recruit new members. The class itself is $400, which seems entirely ridiculous to me, especially considering there were easily 100 people there, if not more, even in these tight economic times. They say it normally costs $500 but that they've cut the cost right now, but apparently $400 is normally the cost, and they just always say that.
Without trying to sound like a total douche who thinks he's better than everyone else, I felt I was slightly ahead of the game as someone who's in the process of trying to actually realize their dreams, compared to someone mired in self doubt, unable to get out of the gate, whether I'm completely scared shitless or not.
But, since I got to sit in on the whole pitch/song and dance routine, I did get one thing out of it, and I didn't have to pay a dime. I shouldn't be giving myself an ulcer over finding a job/finding a place/making a life for myself in LA. I'm going to get down there, I'm going to try to make it happen, I'm either going to make it, or I won't. I'm gonna try my damndest. The rest is out of my control. Stressing about it won't do myself any good. I will tend to what I can tend to and the rest will take care of itself.
It's funny because The Shaft is entirely about living in the moment and not worrying about things beyond your control, but yet I still find myself falling into the trap more often than not. That's probably why I wrote it. As an eternal reminder to myself. I should just post the script as my wallpaper in my new room. Pretencious? Quite possibly. But if I'm doing myself good who can argue? Other than everyone.
Anyway, I do think that there are alot of people who might greatly benefit from the full Landmark Education song and dance routine. I'm certainly not about to say that I couldn't at all benefit from it, but I feel like I'm a little further along the path than alot of people, and I certainly don't have $400 to shell out to anyone, let alone a self help guru.
But everyone was quite nice, and Beau seems to have benefit alot from it, so more power to them and theirs. As for me, it's time to turn the page on the day and walk away. My sights are set. My goals are in sight. It's up to me and a little juice from The Man Upstairs to make them happen, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure that is the case. Time to kick it into high gear. Wagons, Ho!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Sharpen your teeth or lay flat.
I'm currently working overtime on an ulcer. I'm about as stressed as stressed can be. I'm looking around this apartment and seeing alot of work to be done. It's hard to distinguish because alot of the stuff here isn't even mine, but just the fact that it's here, is stressing me out.
Watching CNN constantly hasn't really done me much good either. All this economic worry is really starting to freak me out. I have no idea how I'm going to find a job down there. And somehow manage to magically find and pay for a place in two weeks. I feel like I might be biting off more than I can chew.
But conversely I also wish I was just leaving tomorrow. I feel like it's the place I should be and I feel like I might have run my course here, at least for a time. It's hard to distinguish fear of change and fear of failure from actual reasoned reservation.
It is true that the way I plan on approaching my move, the fear of complete failure is pretty minimal. I go down there for two weeks, can't find a job, can't find a place to live, make no progress, spend my tax return, and come home with my tail tucked between my legs. That's not really the end of the world. But I'm also left thinking if maybe that $1400 refund might be better spent on paying down my modest credit card debt, or fixing my tooth, although that sounds boring and awful.
Basically, I'm a complete wreck. My course has been set and I don't plan on wavering from it, but that doesn't mean I won't be sweating bullets the entire time. Who needs a smoke, huh?
Watching CNN constantly hasn't really done me much good either. All this economic worry is really starting to freak me out. I have no idea how I'm going to find a job down there. And somehow manage to magically find and pay for a place in two weeks. I feel like I might be biting off more than I can chew.
But conversely I also wish I was just leaving tomorrow. I feel like it's the place I should be and I feel like I might have run my course here, at least for a time. It's hard to distinguish fear of change and fear of failure from actual reasoned reservation.
It is true that the way I plan on approaching my move, the fear of complete failure is pretty minimal. I go down there for two weeks, can't find a job, can't find a place to live, make no progress, spend my tax return, and come home with my tail tucked between my legs. That's not really the end of the world. But I'm also left thinking if maybe that $1400 refund might be better spent on paying down my modest credit card debt, or fixing my tooth, although that sounds boring and awful.
Basically, I'm a complete wreck. My course has been set and I don't plan on wavering from it, but that doesn't mean I won't be sweating bullets the entire time. Who needs a smoke, huh?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Losing the War for Want of a Nail
Facing the prospect of moving, there is a fear lurking out there that keeps me awake like no other. It's not the prospect of failure. Not the prospect of poverty. Nothing so urbane as that. It's mainly dental.
I don't really like talking about it as it's so ridiculous, but I had a cavity. And way back when that cavity got drilled and filled. Well now the filling is gone. I have no dental insurance. So being the responsible adult I am, I'm completely ignored it. It's slowly gotten worse. Currently I taste blood in my mouth, coming from the gaping hole in my tooth. I'm moving to LA soley on the money I get from my tax return. How ironic would it be for me not to be able to go all on account of a root canal? There goes my tax return. These are really the things that keep me up at night. I'd almost rather go Castaway on that shit and knock it out with an Ice Skate.
You can't make this stuff up.
I don't really like talking about it as it's so ridiculous, but I had a cavity. And way back when that cavity got drilled and filled. Well now the filling is gone. I have no dental insurance. So being the responsible adult I am, I'm completely ignored it. It's slowly gotten worse. Currently I taste blood in my mouth, coming from the gaping hole in my tooth. I'm moving to LA soley on the money I get from my tax return. How ironic would it be for me not to be able to go all on account of a root canal? There goes my tax return. These are really the things that keep me up at night. I'd almost rather go Castaway on that shit and knock it out with an Ice Skate.
You can't make this stuff up.
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