I'm currently working overtime on an ulcer. I'm about as stressed as stressed can be. I'm looking around this apartment and seeing alot of work to be done. It's hard to distinguish because alot of the stuff here isn't even mine, but just the fact that it's here, is stressing me out.
Watching CNN constantly hasn't really done me much good either. All this economic worry is really starting to freak me out. I have no idea how I'm going to find a job down there. And somehow manage to magically find and pay for a place in two weeks. I feel like I might be biting off more than I can chew.
But conversely I also wish I was just leaving tomorrow. I feel like it's the place I should be and I feel like I might have run my course here, at least for a time. It's hard to distinguish fear of change and fear of failure from actual reasoned reservation.
It is true that the way I plan on approaching my move, the fear of complete failure is pretty minimal. I go down there for two weeks, can't find a job, can't find a place to live, make no progress, spend my tax return, and come home with my tail tucked between my legs. That's not really the end of the world. But I'm also left thinking if maybe that $1400 refund might be better spent on paying down my modest credit card debt, or fixing my tooth, although that sounds boring and awful.
Basically, I'm a complete wreck. My course has been set and I don't plan on wavering from it, but that doesn't mean I won't be sweating bullets the entire time. Who needs a smoke, huh?
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I know this is something in your life that you need to do for yourself. I really think you would thrive in LA and it would be a great experience for you. Its something you need to do but also remember that theres no shame in waiting for the economic upturn that will eventually come. I'm sorry youre a wreck. Wish I could give you an uber big 5 minute long hug! Hang in there hun :)
ReplyDeleteoh and ya... I'll take that smoke thx
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